Archive for October, 2011

Triage for a Stifled Soul

Posted: October 18, 2011 in Free Styling, School

Friends and followers, welcome back to my humble blog. I don’t have much for you this time, I just mainly want to get some stuff off of my chest that has been bugging me today, so brace yourselves. But that’s now, and this is then…yea, I’m pretty sure that’s what I mean. You know what time it is. Updates and New News.

Had the spanish final today. I don’t have the grade yet, but I feel good about it. Well, I feel a lot better about this test than I did after I took the first one. Let’s hope that means good news for me, and here’s hoping that get to continue for the second half of the semester.

I’ve felt a small return a creative juices recently, but as I’ve been studying so hard I haven’t been able to make much of it. That may be on the heels of a small paradigm shift of mine, which leads me to the point of this post.

I’ve noticed patterns of behavior within myself that I tried to do away with. I’m not talking about the rock and roll all night/party every day attitude that I had at OU. I’m actually referring to a version of myself that was overly appeasing and tried to bend myself to what everyone else wanted out of me. I’ve been setting myself back into those habits…and it needs to stop. It’s been stifling my creative juices, and compromising who I am.  So I might not be what my roommates expected out of an ideal roomy. They aren’t what I expected out of them, and I don’t see them changing, so why should I? If I’m not living up to your expectations, than too bad.

I need to get back to the artist that I once was. Artists don’t create work according to what their fans want, they create what needs to escape their minds. True artists put pen to paper let their soul spill out. A stifled soul will not sing. People will either love or hate their work, it’s the nature of the profession. For those that love it, the artist will show them much love and appreciation. For those that don’t, we ignore them.

That’s where I need to get back to. Things are changing here. I’m getting my mind right.
I call myself the Outlaw for a reason. I stand apart. I won’t be the first time I’ve gone it alone, and it certainly won’t be the last.

Ugh…I should have warned y’all that this was ranting territory. Like I said, it’s been bugging me. I think I’m done now. Thanks for allowing me to weather this storm that’s been brewing inside me. Hopefully now, I can start firing on all cylinders. Stay tuned for good news, and bigger things…hopefully. It’s an art, not a science.

Keep your heads up, your minds sharp, and your hearts open.

– The Outlaw


Welcome back friends and followers! I’m going to flip the script for the main topic of this post. Voy a hacer(I’m going to do) a couple of game reviews. This blog is about my life, my interests, and the things that make me tick; and video gaming falls into a couple of categories. But that’s later, this is now, let’s load you up with some Updates and New News.

I probably should have mentioned this in my last post, but it had slipped my mind then. I finished my first script. Some of you might be familiar with a story I came up with around 2007, named “Last Call“. When I got to TCC I started converting it into a movie script. I finished my first version of the script by about the time I got into TCC’s script writing class, and realized then that it had a lot of problems…lot’s of things that needed to be fixed. At that time, my script was 57 pages long. After a number of corrections, revisions, and new additions, I have a new finished script at 135 pages long. It’s felt like such a long process in the making, I’m not sure what to do with it now. I’d love to do like my ex-girlfriend, and make some serious efforts to try and get this thing made. It would be an ambitious project. Maybe I’ll put the wheels in motion some day.

I might be back on track with mi español class. I got a 96% on my oral interview the other day. My homework has all been on point. I’ve got the final coming up on Monday for the first half of the class, so we’ll see if all the effort will pay off.

Alright, meat and potatoes time. Game Reviews. The first game up on the chopping block is Deus Ex: Human Revolution. The game, thought to be the sequel to Deus Ex, the PC/PS2 game released in 2000, but it is actually the third game in the trilogy. The second game being Deus Ex: Invisible War, released on PC/Xbox in 2004. Deus Ex: Human Revolution is actually a prequil to the other two games, so you don’t need to have played the other two to hope to keep up with the story, which is nice. The story follows Adam Jensen, security consultant for Sarif Industries, one of several technology companies that pioneers the field of human mechanical augmentation. The story opens with an attack on Sarif Industries by a group of black ops augmented soldiers. Adam Jensen is near fatally wounded by one of the groups leading trio of highly trained soldiers. Adams life is saved by having Sarif Industries high military grade augmentations installed in his body. The story follows Jensen in his pursuit of the elite black ops team that assaulted Sarif Industries and the answers behind the research that was halted, and stolen in the assault.
The story will pull you in all the way to the end. The story is powerful, and doesn’t rely on cheap gimmicks to keep you involved, it holds it’s own.
The gameplay elements feel like a synthesis of styles from several different games. The first element is the inventory system, it feels exactly like the inventory system from the Resident Evil series. There are even certain items that you can combine in the inventory. The gameplay itself felt very reminiscent of the Metal Gear Solid series. Gameplay seemed to favor the stealth approach; bodies needed to be hidden when possible or sentries would be alerted, and there was lots of memorizing of patrol routes. The gun work switched back and forth in between first person and third person depending on whether you are in cover or not. The upgrade system felt like Mass Effect. You get upgrade points every now and then, and you must decide for yourself how you use those points.
My only complaint is that the game in places requires you to have certain upgrades in place for optimum efficiency. There always felt like 2 or 3 ways to get things done, but it would have been nice to know a little bit more about what you were up against, and been able to plan accordingly.
Nothing in this game feels forced. The gameplay and the story are solid, and stand on their own 2 legs. This is a definite recommend for any fan of stealth games with powerful story lines. I give it a 4 out of 5.

I would like to also review Gears of War 3, but I’ve only gotten through the campaign. There is a substantial multi-player element to it, and a co-op campaign mode that I have yet to try out, so my review would be incomplete. I’ll hold off on that until I can get the full experience.

Hopefully I’ll be back on here within a week to complete my report on Gears. That’s my slice of life right now. Gotta get back to studying for the español final.

Footnote: I actually started writing this post last night, and got wildly distracted when a fight nearly broke out, outside my window. I went out to my front porch to investigate, and one of my roommates filled me in. Supposedly, it came down to an alcoholic altercation over wanting some pussy, and pursuing it too aggressively. I guess this is the price I pay for sticking myself back in a college town, in a college live-space: the majority of the people here are 4-6 years to my junior, and still carry around that drama and brash inhibition that disappears with a several years of being out of the nest. I remember what those days were like, and was glad to see them go. Ugh, welcome back drama, I’ve got a year lease here, I’m sure you won’t be a stranger. I’m keeping the doors locked.

Keep your heads up, your minds sharp, and your hearts open.

– The Outlaw

Hey y’all. I’m back. It’s been a couple of weeks here, I know. My classes have kept me plenty busy. Well, let’s get into it with some Updates and New News.

Probably my biggest news as of lately is that I got a letter in the mail this past weekend that tells me, essentially, that I’m being audited. Yea, you read that right, audited. I’m 24, how am I already having to deal with this crap. I’m not going to go into this in too great of detail. After all, these are my finances we’re talking about. What I will say, is that the “guy” assigned to my taxes “forgot” to report a number of my investments. Ugh. Once again, this is what I get for putting my faith in someone else. I think I had a rant on here in the past about hating group work, because I find people, generally, unreliable. My generalizations appear accurate yet again. I should follow my rules a little bit better.
Rule #11: Don’t believe what you’re told. Double check. (This is also Gibbs’ Rule #3, many of my rules are duplicates of his because, well, they’re good rules.)
It’s being dealt with, but lesson learned: I need to take a bigger role in my own finances, and not put all my trust in some “guy”.

I’ve been in school now for about a month and some change, so maybe I should give y’all a progress report. My Business Comm. class. It’s a joke. This is going to be one of the easiest classes I will take. Seriously, don’t worry about me here. My Español class on the other hand, much the opposite. Got my mid-term back for the front half of the class last week. Let’s just say that it needs work. I need to bare down and study, HARDER. I need to ignore a few more of these parties.

There’s another thing. Maybe I need to start respecting my liver a little bit more. My liver and I have fought so much recently, I think it wrote its congressman to complain. I’ll be on party hiatus for a while.

I made a post on the Book of Faces earlier today, that to paraphrase it said that my gut has had this feeling lately that something isn’t right.
Rule #1: Always trust your gut. It’s usually always right.
I don’t know what’s been wrong lately, but my dad made a suggestion that may be part of the reason why I’ve been feeling off, but not the whole truth. Let’s discuss.

Mi amigo Kevyn, the Duke of the Drums, as you know is in the Coast Guard. He just finished up with A-School and left today from Texas for his next assignment. (I also wish to extend him a formal congratulations on tearing it up in A-School and graduating at the top of his class. Your excellence is to be commended.) His next assignment waits for him in Ketchikan, Alaska. Yea, one of my best buddies is moving up to Alaska. What a trip, right? I’d be lying to say that it doesn’t affect me. Kevyn has been literally like a brother to me since the day I met him my freshman year of high school, and has been an essential piece of the mechanism that has turned me into a musician and audio engineer. It’s never easy to say goodbye, and though it’s hardly actually goodbye, 3000 miles is a difficult obstacle to deal with.

That’s a piece of the puzzle, but it ain’t the whole picture. Kevyn, as well as other people and events in my past are pieces to the mechanism that is my passion. I for a long time now have felt dispassionate. I feel like I’m removed from the source. I haven’t felt that same Oomph and Gusto in my life that made me the passionate person that I once was, not in quite a while. The mechanism isn’t gone, just its power. I need to find something else to fuel my fire. It’s hard not having my cornerstones around me anymore.

This kind of snapped for me today while I was in class, and a couple of my classmates where discussing a video they made recently. Now these guys are in my program (which I may add that hopefully I will get into at least A CLASS for it next semester) and are generally cool guys, so I don’t mind throwing them an endorsement. You can check out some of their work at Snap Brothers Productions. They kind of bounce ideas off of each other and build their passion through their camaraderie. Partners in crime you could say. I don’t have a partner in crime up here. I’m on my own up here. Even though I’m only 45 minutes away from what I’ve called home almost my entire life, it’s different knowing that there isn’t anyone to physically bounce ideas off of within 30 minutes of myself. My roommates are cool, but hardly share in the same passions that I do. In the past couple of years, Trinity and myself got a lot of work done, because we constantly had the ability to meet up and synergize. Not so easy anymore.
Sidebar – Add synergize to the dictionary.
I don’t even have Awaken anymore. To the best of my knowledge, most of that crew have graduated from Texas Wesleyan, and Patrick doesn’t work at Meadowbrook anymore. So that outlet is gone too.

Maybe once I actually get into some of the RTF classes I can meet some more of these guys and get some projects going. Maybe fuel the fire a little bit and get the wheels cranking. Until then, I need to keep looking for something to give me a little bit more shine.

Or…maybe this gut feeling is something else, and I’ve just been self-pitying a little too much recently. I dunno. I’m not dead and I’m not dying, I’m still very much alive. I just need a muse. Anyone care to submit an application? Yea…okay…just drop it in the mail slot if you change your mind.

I’ll leave you with a few pics of some of the work I’ve done on Morgan recently. Take it easy guys.

Keep your heads up, your minds sharp, and your hearts open.

– The Outlaw